Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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