member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
