I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
