I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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