I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
