I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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