She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
