oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
