The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize