OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
