No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
