So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
do nipples grow back?
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