Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
