Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
