The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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