Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
