She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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