I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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