one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
