you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
