also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize