remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
