ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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