Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
