He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
