So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
