Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize