so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
