im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
