sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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