Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
