i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
