Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
