Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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