Do you still have your period?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
