I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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