You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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