How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I party with great urgency now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
