what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize