I only kidnapped one of them. chill
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
