Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
