we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
