using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
