I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
