Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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