I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
