saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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