My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
