Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
