Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
