Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize