Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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