he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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