I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
