apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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