i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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