Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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