I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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