Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
