Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Say something about gay babies.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
