you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
