Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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