We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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