He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
