then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
