The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
