My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
