the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
