I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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