i don't like sucking hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
