thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
