Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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