i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize