R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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