I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
